Between the Two
by Tarlyn
Summary: ...in which we tell what would have happened if those two werewolves actually tried to find out who would win: Magnus Bane or Dumbledore. I've been bored.
1. Round 1

ROUND 1: SPELLS

In which…

"Say, what's that you've got there?" Dumbledore smiled slightly.

"It's called a 'wand'. And that…that book you have?"

"This? It's the White Book," said Magnus Bane.

"It doesn't look very white."

"The Downworlder who made this was colorblind."

"The what?"

"Downworlder."

"?"

"Never mind. And why does it look like your wand is made of a bunch of balls?" To which Dumbledore finds this perverted and offensive so…

"AVADA KEDAVRA!"

Dumbledore wins.


	2. Round 2

ROUND 2:

In which…

"What exactly was that supposed to do?" asked an irked Magnus Bane, getting up. The burst of green light looked _terrible_ bouncing off his bejeweled canary yellow tie. Dumbledore stared in surprise.

"How–you're not dead!"

"Well you're not dead either but it's nice to know that I'm alive," spat Magnus.

"How is this possible? This goes against everything I was ever taught!" Magnus laughs.

"Because you used to have your future decided by an almighty author by the name of J.K. Rowling," says the warlock. "Now it's being decided by the not-so-almighty author by the name of Tarlyn. Deal with it."

"That's still not rights," Dumbledore declares and he promptly marches over to another one of Tarlyn's stories. A few hours and several cups of teas and plates of biscotti later, Dumbledore returns with his half moon spectacles, triumph and beaming.

"It says here that Voldemort killed a guy using 'Avada Kedavra'."

"So?" asks Magnus, who is really rather bored and would rather spend this time with Alec instead. "That's a Harry Potter/Maximum Ride crossover; it's in a completely different world. Don't you know that this is a Harry Potter/Mortal Instruments crossover?"

No, Dumbledore did not know that so, by default, Magnus wins.


	3. Round 3

ROUND 3

In which…

At some point, Alex visited just to see how the little battle was doing. He wasn't exactly pleased that Dumbledore had a point, but he was pleased that his boyfriend did too. Magnus, who saw Alex gave him a great, big hug. Dumbledore looked over his weird half moon spectacles.

"Uh, gay moment much?"

"Oh, shut up, Gandolf," says Magnus cheerfully. "At least I admitted I'm gay."

"At least you admitted you're gay? What do you mean by that?"

"Oh, come on," jibes the warlock, "we all know your relationship with Grindelwald." Dumbledore gawks.

"We are friends and nothing more!" he insists, appalled.

"Uh huh. Sure… Alex? Be a darling and fetch me Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows."

"Of course, Magnus sweetie." He gives Magnus one of those goopy sugary sweet smiles that makes their almighty author want to puke. About fifteen minutes (are two cups of Earl's Grey) later, Alex returns with Clary's copy of the book. "Here you are." Magnus takes the book from him.

"Now, as I recall…ah ha! It says here, and I quote, 'Dumbledore loved Grindelwald' right here in the book."

"A bit afraid about coming out?" asked Alex. "That's okay. I was afraid my parents would flip!"

"Let's face it," said Magnus. "You're gay!"

"I am NOT!"

"Yes you are."

"Nuh uh." An angry mob ascends on Dumbledore.

"Admit it; you're gay!" They ambush him and take him away.

Since Dumbledore is currently not here to be judged, Magnus wins.


	4. Round 4

ROUND 4

In which…

Alec, not Alex, pays a nice visit to Tarlyn with Isabelle's whip. Tarlyn is now covered in bruises and Very pissed. Then again she deserved that.

Meanwhile, a little red head comes by.

"Hello, Clary," Alec says cheerfully. When Clary does not smile, he gets worried. "What wrong?"

"Yes, Clary, munchkin. What's wrong?" asks Magnus.

"Uh, who's she?" asks Dumbledore.

"She's Clarissa, or Clary," says Alec. "What's eating at you, Clary?"

"My…book…" She's snarling and thoroughly pissed off.

"?"

"My…Harry…Potter…book…," she grounds out. "Give it back, Alec."

"Um, okay." He hands her the book and she promptly bashes him over the head. "OW!"

"That's for taking my book, you…you…"

"Irksome fool?" suggests Magnus. Alec just glares at him.

"Before you hit me again," says Alec, holding his hands out in front of him protectively, "Magnus asked me to take it." It is then that Clary starts beating up Magnus with a number of weapons she borrowed from Jace. After a while, Magnus is knocked out and they have to call in another warlock to fix him up. Alec goes with him while Jace tries to calm down Clary. Dumbldore, even if he didn't really do anything, is left standing.

Dumbledore wins.

**Poll. On my page. Vote if you don't want this story to be put on hold.**


	5. Round 5

ROUND 5

In which…

After Magnus got back from the hospital, he and Dumbledore decided to go have a battle on how absolutely ADORABLE they were. Frankly, it didn't turn out so well. Why?

Because Tarlyn went to visit Deviantart and she found some pretty interesting things there. She thought chibi Dumbledore was adorable in every way whatsoever.

"It's like a little gay chibi!" she squealed.

"See?" said Dumbledore, trying to irk Magnus. "I told you I'm cuter."

"Aw, shut up," Magnus said glumly.

"I haven't seen Magnus on Deviantart yet," Tarlyn says. She continues gushing over chibis of Dumbledore for about another hour before finally being forced by Alec to search up his boyfriend.

'Magnus Bane,' she types in. And then she just smiles at the computer screen in a dreamy trance.

"Uh, what's with the almighty author?" asks Clary as she plops down a book next to Tarlyn's computer. "Oh…never mind. Continue please." She's shielding her eyes as she walks out of the room.

"What did you do to scar Clary for life?" asks Jace about fifteen minutes later. "She comes in to use the tablet and stylus and then comes rushing out wailing that she's scarred for–oh. I see… Uh…I'll leave you to it then." Jace leaves the room too.

"What's taking her so long?" Dumbledore asks at last.

"Hottest…warlock…EVER!" Tarlyn squeals. It's probably the most girly sentence she's ever uttered in her entire life. "So…effing…adorable!" She runs up to Magnus. "You SO win!"

I think we all knew this from the start. Magnus wins.

**I've noticed that everyone likes Magnus more than Dumbledore. Anyone want to tell me why?**


	6. Round 6

ROUND 6

In which…

If you, dear reader, did not know already, Tarlyn has somewhat of an obsession of ninjas. Yes, that's right. Ninjas. She liked them before they were popular. That, and Asian nerds with glasses. She is one, actually. But she'd date one too, if she could. The sad part is that the only guys she knows that fit that description are related to her. Incest never did anyone any good. (Except for maybe Edgar Allen Poe but he's from a difference era and is a different story.)

Anyways, she also likes writing Fanfiction but she couldn't think of a topic to make Magnus and Dumbledore fight over. That's when inspiration struck.

She's going to make them duke it out about how ninja they are.

"What?" asked Dumbledore in surprise. Magnus just rolled his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

"Just go with it. What do you want to know, Tarlyn?"

"How ninja are the two of you?"

"What?"

"Who's more like a ninja?" the clarified. "Dumbledore?"

"Accio invisibility cloak!" he exclaims, pointing his wand at a general direction. The invisibility clock comes from behind and whacks him in the head. Ouch. Magnus snickered. At least until Dumbledore put the cloak on and pretty much more or less disappeared. Magnus gawked.

"Where did he go?"

"BOO!"

"AIEEEEE!" screams Magnus, jumping about five feet in the air, clutching his throbbing heart. "That's not funny!"

"It was to me," muttered Tarlyn, trying to hide a grin. "So, Magnus Bane, just how ninja are you?"

"Um…" He cracks open his spell book and wonders for a moment whether or not he can call up Clary to get her to draw an Invisibility rune on him. Of course, given that she obviously couldn't stand the sight of him in Deviantart didn't improve his standings… And Jace probably wouldn't be too eager either. Isabelle was at the spa and she had dragged Alec with her. (Curses!) Okay, he was screwed.

"Magnus Bane?" asked Dumbledore with a sort of a smirk on his face.

"Okay, okay! I've got nothing!"

Dumbledore wins. (Sorry, Magnus lovers!)


	7. Round 7

ROUND 7

In which…

Magnus is all pouty because he just lost. Pity. So let's all pour on the pity party! (Pity, pity, pity.)

Anyways, all Tarlyn can think about is her next battle of Asian nerds with glasses. So she makes them go at it. The verdict?

"I'm part Asian!" shouts Magnus.

"I have glasses!" shouts Dumbledore.

"I'm a nerd!"

"I'm a nerd too!"

"No! You're a rusty old school teacher!"

"A headmaster!" Dumbledore yells back furiously. Tarlyn is starting to think that maybe this was not such a good idea…

"SHUT UP!" It's Clary. She's got her stele and Jace's dagger. Oh, this can't be good…

"Um…hi Clary," says Tarlyn, who is very confused.

"Hi," she says bitterly. "Will. You. Two. Shut. Up. I am trying to finish reading and you two WILL NOT SHUT UP no matter how many times I BANG ON THE FREAKING WALL! You asked for it this time, buddies. Prepare to have your faces pummeled."

"Uh, you're not going to kill me, are you?" the almighty author asks nervously. She's slowly edging towards the door.

"Did you scream?"

"No…"

"Then you're safe." Clary starts to charge at the two idiots but Tarlyn stops her.

"Wait! You aren't going to kill them, are you?"

"I was planning to. Why?"

"Because I need them in the story…"

"So?"

"You're in the story. People love you the most." Just a little white lie…

"Really?" she asks, smiling.

"Yup. You can hurt those two all you want, but no killing, okay?"

"Okay!" Clary says cheerfully while Magnus and Dumbledore cower in the corner in fear.

"You're screwed," Tarlyn says cheerfully. "Have fun, Clary!" An evil smile spreads over Clary's face.

"Oh, I will." Five hours later, the wallpaper is a red-brown color and the two magical dunces have cots at St. Mungo's.

Does it count if Clary wins? Because she just did.


	8. Round 8

ROUND 8

In which…

Since the Healers refused to let Tarlyn pull the two dunces out, she had to go over to St. Mungo's to commence the battle. They were pretty darn reluctant, but at least they let her in. Maybe it's a good thing she didn't mention the fact that it was partially her fault that Clary beat them up…

"So, what did we learn?" Tarlyn asked sweetly to the two sullen looking boys as she skipping into the room.

"To not trust you."

"To place Silencing charms before having a row."

"Very good," she said sarcastically. "Now, we're going to have another lovely battle."

"We're not allowed to leave the hospital yet," said Magnus. He sounded pretty relieved.

"Who said we're leaving the hospital?" she asked cheerfully.

"What?"

"Whut?"

"We're going to have a GORGEOUS battle on this!" She whipped out a jar of something brown and sticky.

"Ewwwwwwww."

"Ew!"

"It's just peanut butter!" she all but screamed, gaining a shushing from the nurses. "Now, here's the battle. You have to eat as much of this jar of peanut butter before I come back tomorrow." She handed them both a jar of peanut butter and left. Dumbledore sighed and turned to Magnus.

"Are you really going to eat this?" Magnus shook his head.

"Nope. Not peanut butter."

"Then what are you going to do with it?"

"Hide it. What else?"

"Where?"

"That's for me to know and for you to find out."

The next morning, Tarlyn returned as she said she would and entered the room just as cheerful as yesterday.

"So. Did you finish all that peanut butter?" she asked brightly. Both boys handed her empty jars.

"We finished," said Dumbledore. Tarlyn had an evil smirk on her face.

"Oh really? I'm sure you're familiar with this." She took out a glass vial with a clear liquid inside. "Veritaserum. The most powerful truth serum known. So, did you two really eat all of that peanut butter?"

"Yes."

"Yes."

Tarlyn sighed and poured the serum down their throats. "Did you eat all of it?"

"No."

"No."

"What did you do with it then?"

"Hid it."

"Made sculptures out of it," said Dumbledore, gesturing to a row of little moving peanut butter figurines that made Tarlyn go, "Awww! They're so cuuuuuuute!"

Well, let's face it. They broke the rules but it looks like Tarlyn likes Dumbledore's idea of getting rid of peanut butter better. (Wow, that's a mouthful.) So Dumbledore wins.


	9. Round 9

ROUND 9

In which…

After being kicked out of the hospital due to the fact that one of the Healers slipped on some of Magnus' peanut butter, Tarlyn pondered for days over what to do next. And then she had the most brilliant idea ever. Let's explain…

Over the past few days, she's been obsessed with something called Caramelldansen. Anyways, the boys weren't too thrilled.

"We have to caramel dance?" whined Magnus.

"_Caramelldansen_," corrected Dumbledore. "It's Swedish for 'the Caramell Dance.'"

"Thank you, Dumbledore," she chirped. Magnus pouted.

"Suck up," he muttered.

"It's very simple," she explained. "You just put your hands up so they look like bunny ears and then you flap them."

"Like this?" asked Magnus. She nodded.

"Now you just have to shake your hips. That's Caramelldansen!"

"This is so gay," muttered Dumbledore.

"We already established the fact that you're gay!" Tarlyn snapped at him.

"We have not!" said Dumbledore hotly.

"Oh really?" challenged Magnus. "Oh, Alec!"

"Yes, Magnus?"

"Why is he here?" Tarlyn demanded angrily.

"Could you find out where we prove that Dumbledore is gay?" Alec nods eagerly and a minute later, he reports back.

"Chapter three."

"Thank you."

"You know what's annoying?" asked Tarlyn. "The fact that this was supposed to be about Caramelldansen."

"Hey, you're the almighty author," said Alec cheerfully.

Since they never really did get to the actually competition, we're going to have to call this a draw. You know what? Let's talk about Caramelldansen in the next chapter.


	10. Round 10

Let's be totally honest about something here. Little Miss TaeTae Tarlyn has had the WERLD'S BEEGIST WRITRRRRS BLOCK known to the history of Tarlyn-kind. (She also got a boyfriend, if anyone actually cares to know.) However, during this writer's block, her reviewers were...so…kind…to spam her inbox with messages telling her how drop dead sexy Magnus is. Yeah. Thanks.

We of the fandom left off last with Caramelldansen, which turned into a debate completely unrelated to Caramelldansen, as most debates go. So…Caramelldansen…

'Thrust those hips!' Tarlyn demanded cheerfully as the music played at full volume from the stereo.

Magnus seemed to be enjoying himself while outside, unbeknownst to him, fandom fangirls were shoving each other out of the way to catch a glimpse of Magnus's sexiness.

Dumbledore…well….old people generally have problems dancing.

Suddenly, much to Alec's displeasure, the window breaks and fangirls start pouring in and they start to ambush the Caramelldansers.

Dumbledore (obviously) avoided them better than Magnus did, as the latter was buried under girls in a matter of seconds.

As Tarlyn insists that much of his charisma must have been from Caramelldansen, Magnus wins.


End file.
